I read a quote today. "A FEW BAD CHAPTERS DOESN'T MEAN YOUR STORY IS OVER". It made me stop and think.....
The last three years have left me feeling like I have no control over my life. Everything I want I don't feel I can make possible. I feel like this character is in someone else's book. It's like I'm not even me, I wear snow boots and earmuffs for crying the fuck out loud. I have wild frozen deer in my freezer, a garden in my back yard. That's not me, not even close to who I am. I am sunshine, flip flops, and skirts. I like ground turkey, and buying organic produce from a farmers market on Sunday morning.
I want to write my own chapters now. I want to be written into the chapters of my own book. The story where it's triple digits outside, and we are on a road trip to the beach. I want the chapters to include two story shopping malls where I window shop and stop at a chain restaurant for lunch with my daughter. The book includes motorcycle rides where I'm wearing a tank top, sweat dripping down my back as the hot air dries it as quickly as it drips. Mr. Fun and I sitting in a crowded biker bar, sipping on a cool beverage, people watching.
I don't want another chapter to include cold days where white crap is falling from the sky. I don't want cold weather, so frigid your snot freezes as you step outside, in my life. I can't fathom another chapter of my life including empty bars and smokey summer skies.
I want warm nights spent outside with the city noises buzzing passed my ears, swirling around my head. I want to drive through Starbucks after a long workout. I want to feel the sun stinging my skin while I run in the mid morning heat.
I don't want to live where it's cold, where spring means snow. I miss the city, I miss having choices. I want my kids to have better teachers, more opportunities, culture, diversity. This small town doesn't offer much.... I also don't think it's a better place to raise kids. It's not where you raise them, it's how you raise them.
So now I'm left wondering, how do I write the chapters of my life into a book I want to live when I'm clearly not the author?
A book where there's warm baseball games, backyard swimming, and good mexican food. I don't want to be written into another chapter that includes sledding, ice covered streets, and heated blankets.
I want this....
We've closed our eyes and jumped before, why not now? I want to jump, I want to take a leap of faith, again.
The last three years have left me feeling like I have no control over my life. Everything I want I don't feel I can make possible. I feel like this character is in someone else's book. It's like I'm not even me, I wear snow boots and earmuffs for crying the fuck out loud. I have wild frozen deer in my freezer, a garden in my back yard. That's not me, not even close to who I am. I am sunshine, flip flops, and skirts. I like ground turkey, and buying organic produce from a farmers market on Sunday morning.
I want to write my own chapters now. I want to be written into the chapters of my own book. The story where it's triple digits outside, and we are on a road trip to the beach. I want the chapters to include two story shopping malls where I window shop and stop at a chain restaurant for lunch with my daughter. The book includes motorcycle rides where I'm wearing a tank top, sweat dripping down my back as the hot air dries it as quickly as it drips. Mr. Fun and I sitting in a crowded biker bar, sipping on a cool beverage, people watching.
I don't want another chapter to include cold days where white crap is falling from the sky. I don't want cold weather, so frigid your snot freezes as you step outside, in my life. I can't fathom another chapter of my life including empty bars and smokey summer skies.
I want warm nights spent outside with the city noises buzzing passed my ears, swirling around my head. I want to drive through Starbucks after a long workout. I want to feel the sun stinging my skin while I run in the mid morning heat.
I don't want to live where it's cold, where spring means snow. I miss the city, I miss having choices. I want my kids to have better teachers, more opportunities, culture, diversity. This small town doesn't offer much.... I also don't think it's a better place to raise kids. It's not where you raise them, it's how you raise them.
So now I'm left wondering, how do I write the chapters of my life into a book I want to live when I'm clearly not the author?
A book where there's warm baseball games, backyard swimming, and good mexican food. I don't want to be written into another chapter that includes sledding, ice covered streets, and heated blankets.
I want this....
We've closed our eyes and jumped before, why not now? I want to jump, I want to take a leap of faith, again.
Comments