When they are little, it's physically challenging. Your all nighters take on a whole new meaning with diaper changes and tears, and the only clothes coming off are the ones covered in poop. The term drunk is only used with "milk" in front of it. Naps are taken with the sound of Blue's Clues and Sesame Street in the background. Dinner time means eating cold food as you sway back and forth with a sleeping baby, wearing the shirt you've worn for three days.
As they grow motherhood becomes all about sneaking cookies and convincing little humans to do things. Like convincing them that stopping what they are doing to go pee in a big scary toilet is a good idea. Also, that those green things on their plate are just as good as the green gummy bears you let them eat for going pee on that big scary toilet. We try to convince them that picking up their toys is actually fun, parents are such frauds.
Then comes the stage where you know they are going to sleep through the night so you have one more drink. That night they wake up puking in the hallway as you yell "stop peeing in the hallway". They start questioning things, they ask WHY? five thousand times a day. These are the days you learn to lie on the fly. You learn that no matter how you twist it, their five year old brain won't understand, so you lie. The tooth fairy has a magic key, Santa knows if you've been bad, the Easter bunny hides the eggs...This is when you realize that parenthood is nothing else but kisses, hugs, bedtime stories and LIES!
I'm going to stop here and address my hatred for Elf on a shelf. WHO THE FUCK? WHY THE FUCK? The creepiest parent lie to ever exist.
Now we move on to the part of parenting that really sucks. Kids start to form their own opinions, talk back and challenge everything you thought you had control over. You can longer lie, they catch you every time. They know the cookies aren't gone and that broccoli isn't all that great. They invite friends over that annoy the hell out of you, you don't even like their parents. They remind you of projects the night before they are due. This is when motherhood really sucks,this is when you throw your arms up and scream "WHY!?!?!". Luckily you still have a little control, you can say no to that annoying friend sleeping over and you can knock out any project out in twelve hours because, have you seen your craft closest? And let's be honest, glitter doesn't scare you. Now smeared poop during nap scares you, glitter, pffft, that's nothing to be scared of.
THEN..... THEN... the teen years start to approach. These kids are like a big bouncy ball, the kind that you bounce lightly and they go so crazy you can't catch them. That is the preteen. They are such an emotional roller coaster, you walk into their room with imaginary armor. Say one wrong word, ask one wrong question about their day and all of a sudden, you are the enemy. You don't understand anything about anything according to them. They know it all, and need no guidance from you. I mean they are practically adults, right?
Luckily, as the teen years approach they become easier to talk to. These hormonal creatures start to realize they actually do need you. They listen without the rolling of the eyes. If you stay level headed and talk to them with respect they listen. I've noticed that if I talk to my teens like they are an equal they listen. I never yell or judge them, I give my opinion and explain my reasoning; it's amazing to watch their facial expressions. Teenagers really do respect you if you give them boundaries and treat them with the same respect you expect out of them. I am not saying it's easy; you do have to choose your words wisely. I am saying that when they are little humans little white lies and punishments work, once they are taller than you they become free thinkers. This is when you need to rethink parenting, what worked with your five year old isn't going to work with your fifteen year old. I've watched three of my kids go from these cute toddlers to free thinking teenagers, I've learned a lot. I've learned that yelling at a teen only creates resentment. I've learned that teenagers are really fucking awesome, they are kind, do good, humans. I've learned to bite my tongue and not control them. I have learned that advising them, giving them options, with my opinion thrown in there, works so much better than telling them how they should handle a situation. They need to make their own mistakes without being overly punished for them. They need to be able to make mistakes with the support of their parents, this allows them to learn a lesson without resentment. This allows them to be free thinkers, knowing that even though they make a mistake they have their parents there, willing to comfort them, guide them, not yell and call them names like idiot. If my teenagers fuck up, I let them know they fucked up, don't get me wrong. However, I talk to them matter of factly. I ask them why? I ask them how they would do it differently, I listen to them without interrupting. I respect their voice and their opinion while I give advice and guidance. I believe you have to let them make their own mistakes while giving them a safe place to land, with boundaries, of course. I want my kids to be themselves, not another version of me, make their own mistakes, and learn from it all. Knowing I'm here, without judgement.
I'm approaching and learning the stage where you are a parent to an adult. I'm not too worried, okay it's been a little scary, can't lie. The girl moved out over a year ago, she's making her own decisions, living her own life. I'm learning that it's not my place to tell her how she should live her life, nope. It's now her life and all I can do is hope I gave her the childhood that set her up for success.
No matter how you parent, how well behaved your kids are, motherhood is rough and long..... so long. You're a mother until you die, who came up with that concept? It is so rewarding and it's a lot of fun but it's also a life sentence of worry and biting your tongue.
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