It's a bitch...It really is, showing up whenever it damn well pleases. Usually at the most inconvenient times. It keeps you home, makes you a hermit.
If only everyone understood it but it's confusing. I think it effects everyone that suffers differently yet the same. We all have different triggers and reactions. For me, it freezes me. I can't leave the house, I can't talk on the phone. When I do talk on the phone my palms get sweaty and I feel like I'm going to puke. The thought of going somewhere and talking to someone leaves me paralyzed. This is why my kids don't have friends sleep over and why I rarely let them go to friends. The anxiety takes over and having to talk to anyone brings on an attack. Sometimes I can talk myself down, sometimes I am stronger than the anxiety. By sometimes I mean rarely.
For most parents arranging a play date, going grocery shopping, attending school plays and conferences are all easy things, just what they do. It's part of being a parent, like cooking dinner or taking your kids to school. For me, it's usually torture. My face starts to tingle my head starts to sway. There is no reason, no excuse, it just is what it is. Not everyone understands it, not everyone wants to or cares to understand it. Hell, I barely understand it.
Back in 2008 they thought I had MS, luckily it was just a scare. I was diagnosed with vestibular migraines and neuropathy. Both are brought on without warning. I get dizzy, my face and head get numb and anxiety sets in. Sometimes it brings me to tears, most the time I roll with it, pushing it out of my mind. I used to tell Mr. Fun when it was happening, now I only mention it if it gets really bad or has been lingering for days. Like today, it's been since Christmas Eve.
When I was diagnosed, we lived in Phoenix. My friends there get it, they were there through the scare and my diagnose. If I didn't want to hang out, if I didn't want to have their kids over or send my kids out to play, they understood. They understood and loved me through it. They never took it personally, they just asked if I was okay. When we moved out of Arizona I never made friends. My kids did make friends, however, they didn't do anything outside of school with fiends. It was too much for me, my disorders(for lack of better word, I don't think they deserve the word illness or disease) would flare up at the thought of it. So we did things as a family. Park, walks, hikes. The boys played street hockey, football and wiffle ball together. They never complained and for this I am grateful.
Moving here, to this small town, into a friend's house was tough, beyond tough for me. I couldn't withdraw from everyday routine, I had to keep moving forward. I made it work, I did what I had to do, pushing through attacks. I got better and better at dealing with it, pushing it to the back of my head. Even if the numbness hurt and I felt queasy from being dizzy for so long, I pushed through it.And I will toot my horn here, I am damn proud of myself. Now that I am in my own space I've let myself dwell a little when the attacks happen. I am thinking I need to knock that shit off. I need to set some goals for myself, goals that will help the anxiety and attacks.
1~Exercise at least 4 times a week. Even if it's just walking the dog.
2~Eat a Paleo diet, no more pasta or bread or beans. More fruit and veggies.
3~Be more creative That's it. Not going to set myself for failure by setting goals like staying organized or keeping the house clean. Those just won't happen nor do they need to.
If only everyone understood it but it's confusing. I think it effects everyone that suffers differently yet the same. We all have different triggers and reactions. For me, it freezes me. I can't leave the house, I can't talk on the phone. When I do talk on the phone my palms get sweaty and I feel like I'm going to puke. The thought of going somewhere and talking to someone leaves me paralyzed. This is why my kids don't have friends sleep over and why I rarely let them go to friends. The anxiety takes over and having to talk to anyone brings on an attack. Sometimes I can talk myself down, sometimes I am stronger than the anxiety. By sometimes I mean rarely.
For most parents arranging a play date, going grocery shopping, attending school plays and conferences are all easy things, just what they do. It's part of being a parent, like cooking dinner or taking your kids to school. For me, it's usually torture. My face starts to tingle my head starts to sway. There is no reason, no excuse, it just is what it is. Not everyone understands it, not everyone wants to or cares to understand it. Hell, I barely understand it.
Back in 2008 they thought I had MS, luckily it was just a scare. I was diagnosed with vestibular migraines and neuropathy. Both are brought on without warning. I get dizzy, my face and head get numb and anxiety sets in. Sometimes it brings me to tears, most the time I roll with it, pushing it out of my mind. I used to tell Mr. Fun when it was happening, now I only mention it if it gets really bad or has been lingering for days. Like today, it's been since Christmas Eve.
When I was diagnosed, we lived in Phoenix. My friends there get it, they were there through the scare and my diagnose. If I didn't want to hang out, if I didn't want to have their kids over or send my kids out to play, they understood. They understood and loved me through it. They never took it personally, they just asked if I was okay. When we moved out of Arizona I never made friends. My kids did make friends, however, they didn't do anything outside of school with fiends. It was too much for me, my disorders(for lack of better word, I don't think they deserve the word illness or disease) would flare up at the thought of it. So we did things as a family. Park, walks, hikes. The boys played street hockey, football and wiffle ball together. They never complained and for this I am grateful.
Moving here, to this small town, into a friend's house was tough, beyond tough for me. I couldn't withdraw from everyday routine, I had to keep moving forward. I made it work, I did what I had to do, pushing through attacks. I got better and better at dealing with it, pushing it to the back of my head. Even if the numbness hurt and I felt queasy from being dizzy for so long, I pushed through it.And I will toot my horn here, I am damn proud of myself. Now that I am in my own space I've let myself dwell a little when the attacks happen. I am thinking I need to knock that shit off. I need to set some goals for myself, goals that will help the anxiety and attacks.
1~Exercise at least 4 times a week. Even if it's just walking the dog.
2~Eat a Paleo diet, no more pasta or bread or beans. More fruit and veggies.
3~Be more creative That's it. Not going to set myself for failure by setting goals like staying organized or keeping the house clean. Those just won't happen nor do they need to.
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