Today...
Today I went back..in the past...I looked at old photos, read old blog posts... I went back for the first time in a long time.
This may not seem like anything to anyone...but for me...it's painful, very painful, lots of regret. Lots of what if and why. I can't lie, I still wonder, I have regrets. But today...I didn't have that pit in my stomach, I kind of smiled at the photos. I felt okay with it...This means I am getting somewhere, I'm healing. I'm moving forward, I'm realizing it will be okay, we'll be okay.
I am the first to admit that this isn't the path I thought we would be on. Mr. Fun's last job, I thought that was it. I had grand plans, they all included his employment with his last job. After a 360 and lots of worry, I may be turning a corner. I hope I am turning a corner. I hope that this cold, grey city can feel like home. This is coming from someone that prefers flip flops, shorts and the hot sun. I hate everything about being cold, EVERYTHING!! I hate long sleeves, I hate socks, I hate coats, I hate how my body tenses up while cold. Give me hot, where my body is relaxed, over cold and tense. I even sweat more when I'm cold. Give me tank tops pool side with an umbrella to shade me over 3 layers of warmth and waterproof boots any day.
I will admit that I don't want this to be my forever, now Phoenix, that would be my forever home. Even over a tropical island. I never felt more at peace and more at home than I did in Phoenix. Most likely it's because I was never cold, we rode the motorcycle year round. Can you say bike week, how I miss bike week. I can handle being cold a couple days at a time, this 6+ months of cold just seems like some sort of punishment. I miss the sun, I miss the warmth. These cold, grey days are depressing. Yes, I've stocked up on my vitamin D3 so I won't go crazy on y'all.
What all this rambling is about is that I have turned another corner....Then I saw this quote...
It was 12 freaking stupid degrees this morning.....my heart needs some more time, slow and steady.
Today I went back..in the past...I looked at old photos, read old blog posts... I went back for the first time in a long time.
This may not seem like anything to anyone...but for me...it's painful, very painful, lots of regret. Lots of what if and why. I can't lie, I still wonder, I have regrets. But today...I didn't have that pit in my stomach, I kind of smiled at the photos. I felt okay with it...This means I am getting somewhere, I'm healing. I'm moving forward, I'm realizing it will be okay, we'll be okay.
I am the first to admit that this isn't the path I thought we would be on. Mr. Fun's last job, I thought that was it. I had grand plans, they all included his employment with his last job. After a 360 and lots of worry, I may be turning a corner. I hope I am turning a corner. I hope that this cold, grey city can feel like home. This is coming from someone that prefers flip flops, shorts and the hot sun. I hate everything about being cold, EVERYTHING!! I hate long sleeves, I hate socks, I hate coats, I hate how my body tenses up while cold. Give me hot, where my body is relaxed, over cold and tense. I even sweat more when I'm cold. Give me tank tops pool side with an umbrella to shade me over 3 layers of warmth and waterproof boots any day.
I will admit that I don't want this to be my forever, now Phoenix, that would be my forever home. Even over a tropical island. I never felt more at peace and more at home than I did in Phoenix. Most likely it's because I was never cold, we rode the motorcycle year round. Can you say bike week, how I miss bike week. I can handle being cold a couple days at a time, this 6+ months of cold just seems like some sort of punishment. I miss the sun, I miss the warmth. These cold, grey days are depressing. Yes, I've stocked up on my vitamin D3 so I won't go crazy on y'all.
What all this rambling is about is that I have turned another corner....Then I saw this quote...
It was 12 freaking stupid degrees this morning.....my heart needs some more time, slow and steady.
Comments