Doesn't everyone want everyone else to see their family as happy shiny people? It used to be easy, you would smile at the neighbors, only yell at your kids in a hush tone that only they recognized as the mom is pissed tone. Twitter, Facebook and Instagram didn't exist. Only the neighbors saw what you wanted them to. Now the world sees only what you want them to. Happy Instagram photos at the parade, tweets about the cute things your kids did, Facebook check-ins of date night. Deep down we all know that isn't reality, at least not my reality. I try not to sugar coat my life...even though I am pretty darn lucky but I still have my struggles, daily. There are days where I have to pinch myself because I feel like my life is perfect, then comes tomorrow where I think what the fuck is this life? Why the hell are these children calling me mom, every 5 seconds?
Don't get me wrong, I love my kids, I adore my husband but the last year has been a struggle for me. In this year I've realized something.... if you need something, ask for it. If you are feeling anything less than wonderful, feel like you aren't getting the attention you are used to, say something. If your kids are driving you absolutely crazy and you want to lock them in the closet just for ten minutes of peace, ask for a break. There is no shame in needing a break, a person can only handle so much leg tugging, whining and screaming.
I also realized something else, it's not just my life changing. It's just not me that feels the demand of a growing family and long hours. Mr. Fun has totally switched gears, three times(in my head i said thrice). He went from being boss and working sixty hours a week five minutes from home to training for a new position forty hours a week fifty minutes from home.... Then to boss again in a whole new environment, new people, new city. He also had the stress of kids adjusting, wife adjusting and making sure bills were paid. Once I stepped back and looked, I felt selfish yet I didn't. I still have my needs and wants but I can't forget my husband has needs and wants also.
I lost it for awhile and even now I feel that way again from time to time. It doesn't consume me like it used to, however. Tonight was one of those nights. Mr. Fun has been traveling more than usual and his hours are a little screwy this week. This has left me with a lot of time to be all by myself, which I usually enjoy. Not so much since we've moved, it seems I have too much time alone. So of course, I think a lot.
I got to thinking about needing things. How does anyone know if you need anything if you don't tell someone? Your husband has stress just like you and he's not a mind reader. So....don't get mad at him for not knowing. If you need more help with the kids, ask. If you need a night out with him, tell him. If you are feeling neglected, speak up. If you are completely burned out and about to lose your mind because you've been touched and puked on all day and need 30 minutes to shower, tell him! He's not going to know how you are feeling or what you need if you don't tell him. I am learning this, yes, after sixteen (almost seventeen) years of marriage I am still learning.
Not sure why I feel the need to write this but I do. You can continue to be happy shiny people on the internet but don't let that prevent you from getting what you really need. Don't let the facade of your life via the internet break you down in real life. We all have struggles, we all are humans with needs and wants....speak your mind. Don't hide your inner pain to please others....
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