Yesterday Mr. Fun and I attended a baby shower for two of our really good friends. They are going to be the best parents and that little girl is already so loved. As they were opening all the presents we noticed how most of them were handmade. It was amazing to see all these burp clothes and blankets, all made by hand with lots of love, so much love. It took us back to when the girl was still growing in my stomach, kicking me, getting the hiccups.... took us back to the unknown, back to the time where we didn't know what to expect, back when life was really simple and calm. It made us remember when our family gathered around us to celebrate our first born. It's amazing how something so simple can bring out such intense emotions.
It really is terrifying how fast they grow, if you blink you miss it. It's no lie that it does go by so fast. I think back and I remember little moments, here and there, about my children as babies. I wish I could remember more about their young lives but honestly, it fades. I think back to all their first birthday parties and every year I remember less. This is why I tell all new parents there is no such thing as too many photos. The more photos you have the more memories you remember. Even when the memories fade, the photos will take you back.
We wrote on cards to the mommy to be; Mr. Fun wrote one to the mommy to be, I read it and I cried. I took it one step more and crossed out mommy and wrote daddy so he could write one to the daddy to be. As I read them I thought that there were no truer words, his words were what every new parent needs to hear..... and this is where I wish I would have taken a photo of his words to share. They were brilliant. It was about how you are going to make mistakes and that's okay.
How true is it that parents make mistakes, boy do we. However, we learn from those mistakes and the next time we do it differently. And there is no such thing as holding a baby too much, seriously, no such thing. I held all my babies so much, as often as I could. No regrets in that department. I actually have very little regret, though there are some things I would have done a little differently. In truth, I want to go back and do it all again. Not to do it differently, just to do it again. I don't want another baby, I just want to go back and soak them up even more.
Cherish every stage, every milestone, big or small. Tell them you love them, in front of their friends. Trust them, until they give you a reason not to; then give them the opportunity to earn that trust back. Talk to them, be honest. Listen to them, with an open mind, without judging. Hug them, again, in front of their friends, never stop hugging them. Kiss them but not in front of their friends, now that would just be mean. Hold their hands, when they try to pull away, hold it tighter. Respect them, respect their wants and needs. As they get older they start becoming more than your baby, they become people, people that deserve respect. Also, you must demand respect, they may not understand why you are punishing them the way you are but they must respect it. Let them be themselves, they are finding out who they are and they deserve the chance to explore different activities or not, if they don't want to. If they wanted to try piano but decide they hate it, don't force it. Choose your battles, is an unmade bed really worth a drag out fight with your sixteen year old? It's easier to just shut their bedroom door, letting them have their space the way they want it. Don't hide your mistakes, let your kids learn from them. Be open with them, apologize when you are wrong, own your mistake. Let your kids see you be humbled.
I'm not an expert, I still second guess my parenting, daily. I have learned a lot over the years, some things work for one kid and absolutely don't work for another. I have learned parenting children differently isn't always fair but it's what has to be done to keep my sanity. While it's not fair it teaches my children that life isn't fair. I don't want to shelter them from the truth, life can suck some days. And even though that day sucked and life seems completely unfair, tomorrow is a new day. Teach them they have a choice, they can move on with a good attitude or they wallow in their own self pity and let one day ruin many days.
So love them, show them love, tell them you love them. Even if they stop saying it back, still say it. Say it every time you or them walk out the door, say it every night as they go to bed.
It really is terrifying how fast they grow, if you blink you miss it. It's no lie that it does go by so fast. I think back and I remember little moments, here and there, about my children as babies. I wish I could remember more about their young lives but honestly, it fades. I think back to all their first birthday parties and every year I remember less. This is why I tell all new parents there is no such thing as too many photos. The more photos you have the more memories you remember. Even when the memories fade, the photos will take you back.
We wrote on cards to the mommy to be; Mr. Fun wrote one to the mommy to be, I read it and I cried. I took it one step more and crossed out mommy and wrote daddy so he could write one to the daddy to be. As I read them I thought that there were no truer words, his words were what every new parent needs to hear..... and this is where I wish I would have taken a photo of his words to share. They were brilliant. It was about how you are going to make mistakes and that's okay.
How true is it that parents make mistakes, boy do we. However, we learn from those mistakes and the next time we do it differently. And there is no such thing as holding a baby too much, seriously, no such thing. I held all my babies so much, as often as I could. No regrets in that department. I actually have very little regret, though there are some things I would have done a little differently. In truth, I want to go back and do it all again. Not to do it differently, just to do it again. I don't want another baby, I just want to go back and soak them up even more.
Cherish every stage, every milestone, big or small. Tell them you love them, in front of their friends. Trust them, until they give you a reason not to; then give them the opportunity to earn that trust back. Talk to them, be honest. Listen to them, with an open mind, without judging. Hug them, again, in front of their friends, never stop hugging them. Kiss them but not in front of their friends, now that would just be mean. Hold their hands, when they try to pull away, hold it tighter. Respect them, respect their wants and needs. As they get older they start becoming more than your baby, they become people, people that deserve respect. Also, you must demand respect, they may not understand why you are punishing them the way you are but they must respect it. Let them be themselves, they are finding out who they are and they deserve the chance to explore different activities or not, if they don't want to. If they wanted to try piano but decide they hate it, don't force it. Choose your battles, is an unmade bed really worth a drag out fight with your sixteen year old? It's easier to just shut their bedroom door, letting them have their space the way they want it. Don't hide your mistakes, let your kids learn from them. Be open with them, apologize when you are wrong, own your mistake. Let your kids see you be humbled.
I'm not an expert, I still second guess my parenting, daily. I have learned a lot over the years, some things work for one kid and absolutely don't work for another. I have learned parenting children differently isn't always fair but it's what has to be done to keep my sanity. While it's not fair it teaches my children that life isn't fair. I don't want to shelter them from the truth, life can suck some days. And even though that day sucked and life seems completely unfair, tomorrow is a new day. Teach them they have a choice, they can move on with a good attitude or they wallow in their own self pity and let one day ruin many days.
So love them, show them love, tell them you love them. Even if they stop saying it back, still say it. Say it every time you or them walk out the door, say it every night as they go to bed.
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betty